We believe that because we are two adults or we are the authority, we are the ones who should talk and the children should be limited to sitting and listening to us. But don’t you think your child might have a different opinion or a right to express his or her point by sight?
If you let your child talk a little longer in conversations, you can understand why he does what he does and may be unaware of your tastes, your fears, your preferences. And what is it that he needs to learn? It’s a great way to show respect for your children. Wanting to know them better and seeking to teach them exactly what they need by listening to them. When something bad happens, we usually tell the child what happened. What did he do? What should he have done? What did he feel? What should he have felt? And we miss the most important part, which is listening to him and knowing his side of the story.
Keep in mind that this is not a monologue, but a two-way conversation. Remember one thing and that is that when you give sermons, children often turn them off. What I do with the parents in my private practice is I turn them into the teachers of the questions through the questions. They can have two-way conversations with their children and can ask them to know exactly what is going on or to know their points of view. So the children, through the questions, can begin to express themselves to their parents. If you give your children all the answers, it may make sense to them, as it may not. Instead, if you ask them, for he himself will find the answer from within. And therefore, if or if it will make sense to him.
I’m going to show you a tool that gives you a guide on how to ask your child questions. I called this tool. Sometimes open-ended questions must be sought out and banished. Let’s take a step-by-step look at each one. First, we start with the open questions, the open questions you will ask your child to know exactly what happened. Many times when something happens without asking the child, we get an idea of what happened, but we didn’t really get a sense of what the situation was. So the idea of open-ended questions is that you ask your child absolutely every detail so that you clearly understand what the situation was or so that you really learn what its point of view.
You’re going to ask questions like What happened? What did you do? What did you do it for? How did you feel? How would you like to have acted? Who else was there? Anything that helps you to perfectly reconstruct this situation and the longer you stay in the open questions, it’s better. It’s like you were there, seeing what happened. Once you have the situation clear and once you have stayed as long as possible in the questions to Are you going to move on to the questions? B From looking at the questions. B What you want to do is to get your child to think about or come up with an answer to what happened. For example, why do you think what you did was wrong? Already implied in question 3 You are telling him that there is something he did wrong? Then why do you think what you did is wrong? How could you fix what you did? Why do you think you hurt this person? What do you think the remedy should be? In the face of this attitude that you had? All of these questions are asking him to reflect or to has an answer. But you are not giving him the answer.
These questions are also very useful for the issue of punishment or consequences. Why? Because when children themselves are the ones who say what they think the punishment should be, or what it should be the consequence or the repair to what they did because they are much more willing to collaborate. Then you are not as if imposing a punishment on him, but he himself is saying what he believes or what believes that it is the punishment he deserves and therefore he will be much more willing to collaborate and he to carry out with much greater pleasure than if we simply arrived and imposed it on them. And finally, let’s move on to the closed questions, the closed questions are questions of yes or no, that lead us to also close the conversation and to know if there is a deal or if there was a learning of what happened. So you can ask him, for example, did you learn or commit, or is it a deal?